4 Aspects of God’s Design for Grown Men

The image of an independent and productive leader does not need to be manufactured from our imagination, or from some character sketch out of a movie or novel. God has provided a picture of what men are to be in the very first chapter of the Bible. Consider the words of Genesis 1, which give us a peek into God’s design for who He created us to be.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Gen. 1:26–28)

This foundational statement describes what Adam and all of his subsequent sons were purposed to be—and who our boys are soon to become. God gets to lay down the expectation for His creatures. He is the Boss. And while there are many competing voices telling us what a successful son should look like, the Maker gets to make that determination.

God gets to lay down the expectation for His creatures.

It reminds me of the din of competing voices we heard when our boys played Little League baseball. A rambunctious crowd was always shouting at my sons to swing for the fences, while a dugout full of team-mates also had opinions as to what they might want my boys to do at the plate. Of course, there was Mom, who was often most concerned with their safety and welfare.

The crowd may want my boys to take a huge cut at the ball, their teammates may shout their various opinions, and Mom may just want them to be careful, but it is the coach who gets to direct their time at bat. He may call for a sacrifice fly, a bunt, or a hit and run. He is the coach. My son’s future on the team, his commendation or criticism, will depend on his response to one singular voice. How wise we would be to realize the same, as we aim our sons into their future. One day our boys will stand as men to answer before their Creator. I trust they will be able to testify that their mom and dad set them on a course which sought to fulfill their ultimate and most fundamental calling as men.

Here are four noble goals for our sons as men, each found in our key passage: to know God, exercise proper authority, and, if married, love their wives and replicate themselves.

1. Men Who Know God

When God created the first man, He made him unique from every other creature He had created. He determined to make man “in his own image” and “after his own likeness.” This, of course, cannot possibly be referring to some kind of physical template. The Bible tells us that “God is spirit” in the essence of who He is (John 4:24), and “a spirit does not have flesh and bones” (Luke 24:39). So when God created the first man, the “likeness” must refer to his nature and his capacity to relate to God. Just as the triune God has relational fellowship within the persons of the Godhead, so Adam was created as a person who could have relational fellowship with the persons of the Godhead. The Lord made Adam to know Him and relate to Him in a way that no other part of the physical creation was capable of doing up until that point. Psalm 100:3 provides the needed perspective on why we were initially created: “Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people.” The Westminster Shorter Catechism asks as its first question, “What is the chief end of man?” It answers: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” That enjoyment of knowing and having fellowship with our Maker is the most fundamental purpose for every man’s existence.

Much more can and will be said on this important aspect of nurturing and developing our sons’ interests and desires to know God, but at the outset let me simply remind parents that there is a big difference between knowing about God, and knowing God. Our boys may have much exposure to the facts about God and the gospel, but until they establish a real and vital relationship with their Maker, our prayers and our work are only preliminary.

Consider the two sons of an Old Testament priest named Eli. They surely knew much about God. They were serving in the worship center. They knew much about the Bible and were engaged in “ministry,” yet the Bible says this about them: “The sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the Lord” (1 Sam. 2:12).

Much like the “good theology” of demons, who we are told intellectually affirm all sorts of undeniable truths about God, they are still “worthless” and condemned because their “belief” is simply a head knowledge and not a genuine trust that establishes and feeds a bona fide relationship (James 2:19). God is jealous for our boys to become men who truly know Him (James 4:4–5). As parents, this must be our ultimate goal for our sons.

Many parents who speak of their son’s future say, “I just want him to be happy!” I pray we will never mindlessly recite that mantra of our generation; let us instead say, “If only my boy would know the Lord!” Nothing could be more central to his existence than this.

2. Men Who Exercise Dominion

In the very next phrase of Genesis 1:26 God tells us that Adam was created to “exercise dominion” over the created world. Of course, Adam only had access to a limited part of that world, but “dominion” over his small corner of the world was to be his calling. “Dominion”: now there’s a word with a regal flare to it. Let’s make sure we have a sense of what it is that God is calling our sons to grow up to do.

The word “dominion” refers to the application of a positive and constructive oversight over aspects of God’s creation for good purposes. It is the exercise of leadership that brings out the best in what is overseen. Like the word “jurisdiction,” it speaks to the management and engagement of thoughtful supervision that makes rules and gives directions in hopes of positive and godly results. In light of the associated phrase, “subdue it,” which God employs two verses later to further clarify this calling, the idea of “dominion” depicts an active involvement of cultivating and taming aspects of the world that will be better and more useful when this kind of leadership is exercised.

As I like to say, we men were created to “subdue” and “exercise do-minion” over our little corner of the world, yet many of us fail to gain dominion even over our garages, at least initially. Still, at some point in our adult lives we will experience the gratifying feeling of “gaining control” over an unruly garage, after some purposeful determination. In almost every job that a man may have he is given a little corner of creation over which to exercise dominion. The questions are: Are we exercising dominion well—and regarding it as a part of the core calling that traces its way back to the garden of Eden? Are we at work to faithfully exercise dominion not only over work projects or job goals, but also over our desks, our lockers, and hallway closets?

We need to celebrate the good and constructive exercise of leadership wherever it might be found and envision where these positive and godly skills might be used to change his corner of the world for good.

I put it that way because when we turn to think of our sons, we need to realize that putting their toys away or cleaning their rooms is not just some childhood necessity to avoid chaos, but it really begins to help them realize an experience not unlike one of the central callings on their lives as men.

Your boy’s little corner of the world, no matter how small (a toy box, a dresser drawer, a set of baseball cards), is something where he enters into an exercise of leadership that God created him to experience. As parents we need to encourage these early steps of subduing the chaotic, and arranging and rearranging what can be improved and made more useful. We need to celebrate the good and constructive exercise of leadership wherever it might be found and envision where these positive and godly skills might be used to change his corner of the world for good.

3. Men Who Love Their Wives

When God created humanity to be a reflection of His intellectual, emotional, and volitional image, He didn’t just create men; He created men and women. Recall the words of Genesis 1: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). In Adam’s case He didn’t just create a world that contained women, He purposed for him to participate in a marriage relationship with a specially crafted female counterpart named Eve. This complementary and special creation of God served to bring in the fullness of the reflection of His divine image in the human race. That is an important fact for all men to remember, whether or not they are ever called to participate in marriage.

From the earliest days, our little boys need to be taught that those little girls they innately perceive as cootie-infested irritants, are in fact a specially valued and divinely prized part of God’s highest creation. The world is not what it ought to be and can never reflect the glory God intended without the women God created to display His own character. As old-fashioned as it may sound, boys need to grow into men who have the highest respect and courtesy toward the women in this world. Sin may have greatly complicated the relationship between men and women, but our boys must be trained to envision the grand and glorious plan of God in filling the earth with glory through the expression of male and female in their world.

Without ruling out the unique calling of becoming a “kingdom single,” as I’ve called it, we must begin to instill the thoughtful expectation in our boys that they will one day be husbands, called to the daily tasks of providing, protecting, and sacrificially leading in their own marriages. Instead of avoiding these topics when our boys are young, let us be free to say things like, “When you are a husband . . .,” “When your wife is . . .,” and “When your marriage has. . ..” In a world where many males linger for decades in perpetual boyhood, punctuating our conversation with expectant and anticipatory discussions like this will go a long way in preparing our young men for their futures.

4. Men Who Replicate Themselves

Having already touched on the concept of being fruitful and multiplying (Gen. 1:28), for the sake of understanding our own role in raising adults-in-the-making, let us briefly consider this concept for our own children. Yes, some sons may be among those who are content to “forsake marriage for the sake of the kingdom” (Matt. 19:12). And some prophets and disciples possessed this giftedness (see “But What About”). Such blessed service for the King continues to this day. Yet this is the exception and not the general rule. Even if we suspect that our son has this special giftedness, we should not stop the conversations about discipling and coaching others. In a very important sense, there is no “kingdom single” presented to us in the Bible or throughout church history who did not replicate himself.

Most Christian parents can attest that the blessing of children goes far, fulfilling God’s great design.

Most of our sons will find wives and be blessed to have children—and that is a reality they need to see from the beginning as a truly blessed reality. Most Christian parents can attest that the blessing of children goes far, fulfilling God’s great design. For a mom and a dad there is something divinely satisfying in nurturing, sacrificing, and caring for their own children. Our little boys need to begin to sense this, not only by the way they perceive our enjoyment in parenting (which admittedly is not a nonstop joy ride, but should include enough smiles and laughter to be convincing), but also especially by the way we talk about the reality of their own future children.

My boys can confess that their childhood was punctuated by a number of comments that began with: “When you’re a dad . . .,” “Be sure your kids get to . . .,” and “Don’t ever let my grandkids. . ..” Often it was in a lighthearted moment, but many times it was not. It has been interesting to see how these periodic comments have produced serious questions from my boys about parenting, and how to handle this or that situation with their future kids. What a relief to know that my kids were not raised to see children as a burden or an obstacle to their “happiness,” but as a genuine blessing from God.