Sex and reproduction will obviously end up being a very small percentage of your son’s lifetime of interacting with the opposite sex. Living in a world half-full of women will require a set of skills that needs to be imparted to him as sincerely and prayerfully as your discipleship, to ensure the fulfillment of sex in its sanctioned context, and the avoidance of the damage of sexual sin. You must work to instruct him early and regularly in the special challenge and privilege of interfacing with girls, young ladies, and women. Not only will this lay an appropriate foundation for a harmonious marriage, but it will also enable him to please God by living out the Lord’s excellent and wise theology of gender.
From the beginning, we need to instill in our boys the practice of honor, courtesy, and respect for the opposite sex.
It is essential that we remember that the Creator designed humanity in His own image. That image, of course, has nothing to do with the physical features of our bodies—for God is spirit and has no body! Rather it clearly refers to the divine reflection of personhood in our human spirit. Genesis 1:27 informs us that this divine reflection is not bound up exclusively in the personal characteristics of masculinity, but it is also seen in the personal characteristics of femininity: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Gen. 1:27).
This simple yet profound statement of Scripture is the opening proposition relating to the biblical doctrine known as complementarianism. That is a fancy way of expressing the appreciation and respect that each gender should hold and express toward the distinctiveness of the other. Men and women have distinct outlooks, and in marriage they complement—and complete—each other. As it is put in the New Testament, “In the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God” (1 Cor. 11:11–12).
It is one thing to be polite; it is another to teach our boys to work at true kindness and understanding toward the opposite sex.
From the beginning, we need to instill in our boys the practice of honor, courtesy, and respect for the opposite sex. God’s creative design is esteemed, and God Himself is glorified when our boys can sincerely affirm that girls are not “icky and gross,” they don’t have cooties, and boys are not in competition with them. Females are a special creation of God, and humanity would not be complete in reflecting God’s great-ness without them.
As you noticed from this section heading, I resurrected a has-been word to communicate something of the countercultural virtue at which we should be aiming when shepherding our boys. Okay, this medieval word may not be the bullseye, but it does point us in the right direction. The gallantry, bravery, and graciousness of the knight of another era who, at least in the caricature, would dismount his horse to assist a lady crossing a stream, gives us something of the picture of the concern and sacrifice men should make to honor women. I know that in the reverberating wake of feminism there are swaths of society that see this heightened politeness and graciousness toward women as offensive. Oh well. Writing from the “Left Coast” I do encounter that offense from time to time. Yet, even in uber-liberal California, I find that most of my efforts to show a special concern for “ladies first,” opening doors for a woman, or offering to help a lady with a heavy item at the shopping warehouse is met with sincere appreciation. Either way, the special thoughtfulness, grace, and civility men ought to show toward women in general and toward their wives in particular, needs to be modeled and taught to our sons. This honors God, but it is just the beginning.
It is one thing to be polite; it is another to teach our boys to work at true kindness and understanding toward the opposite sex. Like teaching a child to parrot the words “thank you,” we want to see these external expressions as a sign of the gratitude being cultivated in their hearts. Young men need to learn to appreciate the value of the very different way of thinking in young women. This does not mean we teach our boys that girls are always right, nor that girls should always have their way. It does mean, however, that our boys should not be quick to dismiss every distinctive point of view that emerges from their complementary creatures called girls. If your son is blessed to have a sister, he has a built-in laboratory, and you should capitalize on the learning opportunities this mix of perspectives provides. With that said, remember that our fallen modern culture doesn’t want your boy to honor and respect females; it would have your boy cease to be distinctively male. That is sinful and altogether unacceptable. Much of the motivation to write a book about raising men is in reaction to a twisted society that would love to neuter our boys and devalue their distinctively male perspective. That must not happen.
by Mike Fabarez
How to raise a godly man in a godless world Perhaps there has never been a more challenging time to raise children than in today’s...
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