Gentle in the Mess

Jesus Is Gently in the Mess With You

God works through the inconvenient, messy, even gross aspects of motherhood to give us the gift of gentleness. Nothing else in motherhood so poignantly illustrates Jesus’ heart toward us. Jesus is for messy and inconvenient people. When Jesus dwelled on earth, He touched unlovely people in their most humiliating moments. He embraced a leprous man, befriended an adulterous woman, and washed His disciples’ feet. He ate with sinners, defended the lowly, and blessed the outcasts.

Jesus was even gentle when soldiers arrested Him in the garden of Gethsemane. When Peter cut off Malchus’s ear, Jesus told Peter, “Put your sword back into its place,” and then He touched Malchus and healed him (Matt. 26:52).

Jesus is for messy and inconvenient people.

When people slapped Him in face, beat Him on the back, and demanded a response, Jesus became like a lamb, quiet and meek. While He was being crucified, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). As He suffered on the cross, Jesus was meeting us in our mess, removing our filthy sin, and clothing us in His spotless righteousness.

Still today, Jesus welcomes people who “labor and are heavy laden”—like you and me—to come to Him because He is “gentle and lowly in heart” (Matt. 11:28–29). He wants to touch us and speak to us with life-giving gentleness. Our spiritual needs aren’t much different from our children’s physical needs: every day, we make a mess of things and can’t comprehend how our sin offends God, hurts ourselves, and affects other people. Yet every day, Jesus kneels and cleans up our mess for us. He cups our faces in His hands and says, “I gave up My throne in glory to be with you in your worst moment. Redeeming you matters more to Me than anything else in the universe.” Jesus doesn’t expect us to get our act together or to punish ourselves for our inadequacies. Instead, He enters our mess, treats us with dignity, and is prepared to rescue us at any time.

Gently Entering the Mess With Your Child

Just as we can learn to respond gently to a child’s physical needs, we can learn to respond gently to a child’s spiritual needs as well. Unlike potty accidents, children never outgrow their need for a Savior. We’ll want to be careful as we come alongside our kids in their spiritual brokenness: the same potty-training principles of treating them with dignity and being prepared for accidents apply. It might also help to think about what we do when we clean up a broken dish or a shattered light bulb. We pay attention. We keep our eyes open. We step lightly and try not to make more of a mess or cause more injury. This is the type of care we want to use when we are addressing a child’s sin.

The apostle Paul often encourages us to be gentle with one another. These two excerpts from his letters are particularly helpful as we consider our opportunity to grow in Christlike gentleness toward our children:

If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. —Galatians 6:1–2

The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth. —2 Timothy 2:24–25

In light of this, I’ve brainstormed some tangible ways you and I can respond gently to our children’s sin. What would you add to the list?

• We can listen.
• We can pray.
• We can wait on the Lord to work in their hearts.
• We can correct them when they are wrong.
• We can remind them about the grace of God through Jesus, lavished on all repentant sinners.
• We can say we are with them and for them, no matter what.
• We can say, “I forgive you.”
• We can teach them to get back up and say, “I can learn from that.”
• We can offer specific Scriptures and practical assistance to strengthen them against temptation.
• We can empathize when they experience the consequences of sin.
• We can share our own stories and God’s faithfulness, when appropriate.
• We can rejoice when they experience victory over sin.
• We can smile at them and look them in the eye.
• We can pull them into a hug, rub their back, or sit by their side.
• We can tell them we’ve been there too.

Being gentle may seem a bit risky at first—we may be taken advantage of—but once we get the hang of it, I think we’ll see gentleness for what it is: Triumphant. Unassailable. The very heart of Christ. In a world that advocates self-preservation, punishment for wrongdoing, and cruelty toward people who are weak, we are invited to extend the life-giving power of gentleness.