Raise Children Marked By These Three Traits

Get ready to be encouraged! When you parent so children are marked by three special character traits, most will want to do what’s right and be willing to do it even when the burden is heavy and no one is watching.

As a parent, you’ll decide to prioritize certain qualities over others for different reasons. No matter your circumstances, you will want to choose these three. They pay great dividends for mature character and first-time obedience.[1] Emphasize them!

• Gratitude—consistent thankfulness. Not circumstantial gratitude or entitlement.
•  Joy—consistent joy. Not circumstantial happiness or joy based on comparisons with others.
• Self-efficacy—having skills to accomplish their goals and believing they can be effective.[2]Not believing they don’t have a purpose or can’t accomplish anything.

Introduce gratitude, joy, and self-efficacy early and reinforce and reteach them often over time. Be strong. Even if your children declare that everyone else has what they want and they whine, “I need it!” don’t give in to their entitlement attitudes. Don’t be persuaded by children or the culture that happiness is more important than joy. And, don’t do everything for children. If you do, they may conclude they can’t do anything for themselves. Or even if they can, they may decide they don’t need to. Don’t give in to children’s apathy or complaining. Do parent differently! Your children will have strong and healthy character.

Stop and think. Do these three qualities make sense? Think about yourself first. Can you see that when your character is marked by consistent gratitude, consistent joy, and consistent self-efficacy, you will want to learn how to use character qualities? Also, you’ll want to use them, and you’ll be willing to use them even when the burden is heavy and no one is watching. You’ll most likely be optimistic, positive, and other-centered. You will be willing to be good! If you’re treated badly, gratitude and joy will help you bounce back quickly. They’ll cause resiliency. Now watch for this process to occur for your children.

Technology’s Influence

Teaching these three qualities is imperative because, as I explain in Screens and Teens,[3]technology can rob young people and even us of all three. Children can believe happiness is always a realistic expectation. For example, they multitask when they’re bored, only download the apps they want, and can be entertained constantly. They listen to the music they want to and talk with the people they want to. Sadly, they think happiness is better than joy.

Children can also become entitled rather than grateful. They have access to so much! They can think they’re the center of their universe and everything is about them. Also, because tech makes everything easier, they can downplay the need to learn skills so they can be effective. If ideas or answers don’t come to them immediately, they may give up and expect you to do things for them.

[1] Stephen Carter, Integrity (New York: Harper Perennial, 1996). Michael A. Zigarelli, Cultivating Christian Character: How to Become the Person God Wants You to Be and How to Help Others Do the Same (Colorado Springs: Purposeful Design, 2005).

[2] Jonathan and Erica Catherman, Raising Them Ready: Practical Ways to Prepare Your Kids for Life on Their Own (Grand Rapids, MI: Revell, 2022), 55.

[3] Kathy Koch, Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2015).