Take Off Pride and Put On Humility in Your Motherhood

Pride sneaks in, and sometimes we mistake it for confidence. However, pride is comparing ourselves, knowingly or unknowingly, to others with the result that we come out looking better than they do.

The Problem With Pride

Pride is a thief. It robs us of our joy because we become obsessed with believing we deserve something better than what we have. It cheats us of God’s plan for our lives because we demand our own way. Pride robs us of knowledge because we already know it all. It keeps us from experiencing healing because we refuse to forgive, and we wouldn’t dream of admitting we are wrong. It steals intimacy from our relationship with God because “I can do it myself.” Pride damages relationships because “I’m right and you’re wrong.” It keeps us from deep friendships because we are unwilling to be honest and transparent.

Pride is cleverly costumed in our lives. On the outside it looks like confidence. Inside, it operates as false security.

Entitlement is a side-effect of pride. If you’ve ever uttered the words, “That’s not fair,” or “I deserve better,” or “I should have been given . . .” you’ve harbored pride in your heart.

Pride is self-centered, self-focused, self-preserving. It’s all about I and me. For instance, pride can creep into our marriages when “I do” becomes “I do it better than you.” Pride keeps us from apologizing when we’re wrong. Pride builds walls, crushes kindness, and kills intimacy.

Pride is cleverly costumed in our lives.

Pride raises its ugly self in our relationships with other moms. In order to feel better about ourselves, we try to find ways that we are “better” than another. Most of the time these comparisons stay in our heads, but they consistently put distance between us and another person.

Shouldn’t we be able to feel confident without that confidence being prideful? Absolutely. There is a difference between pride and self-confidence. Pride demands a voice. Self-confidence is quiet, undemanding, and unassuming. Pride believes you are better. Self-confidence believes you are capable. Pride is about taking. Self-confidence is about offering.

Pride in Motherhood

So how do pride or self-confidence play out in my daily life as a mom? Pride demands that situations be handled my way at my mom’s group. Self-confidence respects the leaders and guidelines established for the group, and it doesn’t take difficult situations personally. Pride sees only how my child was wronged in a situation. Self-confidence realizes that my child could have been just as wrong as another child or could have contributed to a difficult situation at school. Pride demands that I be lauded for my efforts as a volunteer or employee. Self-confidence performs the job confidently without expecting a pat on the back.

More than anything, pride wraps a tight chain around our hearts, keeping us bound up with anger, demands, and unforgiveness. It poisons and robs us of the joys of life. It also perpetuates our drive for perfection, which ultimately sets us up for failure.

So if I “take off” pride, what do I “put on” in its place? The answer is humility.

Humility in Motherhood

If you are a member of the human race, you probably struggle with this one. We live in a “Me, me, me,” society. Humility says, “You, you, you.” We moms tend to put others first when the others are our kids, but we don’t necessarily do it as well in other relationships. Our human nature wants to do what we want to do. “If I don’t push for my own way, people will walk all over me,” we might think privately.

While humility feels weak, the truth is that humility is a sign of great strength. Humility is about putting ego aside. The word humility comes from a Latin word humilitas, which means grounded or low. When we are “grounded,” we aren’t easily swayed. We stand firm in who we are, who we belong to, and who we are committed to be going forward. A grounded person isn’t looking for recognition because she is at peace with her worth in God’s eyes.

Humility is also about submission. A humble person submits to authority. Submission is not a word that many of us embrace. However, before you throw this book across the room, consider the concept of submitting a little further. When we allow God to lead our lives, we submit to His leadership. We do this because we trust Him as our Creator and we believe He has our best interests in mind. The more we are able to submit, the more peace we experience. God tells us in the Bible, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3).

More than anything, pride wraps a tight chain around our hearts, keeping us bound up with anger, demands, and unforgiveness.

Most of the time pride and humility play a tug-of-war inside of us. Pride believes “I can do it myself,” and humility says, “I can’t do this without you, God.” So what does this have to do with the Perfection Infection and motherhood?

Our longing to handle life “perfectly” keeps us bound up trying. We’re trying to be the best mom we can be. We’re trying to put on a good game face so others will believe we’re doing better than we actually are. We’re trying to convince ourselves that if we just work a little harder, we’ll become the moms we think we should be. In all that trying, we’re really being dishonest with others and even more so with ourselves.

God sees us through eyes of grace. It is as if He is saying, “Don’t keep striving so that you can feel good about your accomplishments. Instead, live in My grace. Yes, do motherhood well—even with excellence. But know that I love you just as you are—no ‘perfection’ necessary. Come find freedom in an authentic relationship with Me and with others.”

In the book of Proverbs, we read, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). Wow! Humility brings wis-dom. I know I need more of that! Here’s more: “Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise” (Proverbs 13:10 NLT). Humility says, “I still have a lot to learn, so I’ll gladly take advice from others.”

Take off the mask of pride today. You’ll be doing yourself and the moms in your mothering community a huge favor. When pride is removed, honesty happens. Then you will discover that your honesty will be a catalyst for someone else’s honesty and change might also take place in other moms’ lives.