Train Children By Weaving Actions With Words

E. V. Hill, the late pastor of a large congregation in South Central Los Angeles, tells this story from his own life. He was in his early teens when he came home one night drunk. As he walked into his room, he threw up all over the floor. In a drunken stupor, he rolled onto his bed and fell asleep. His mother, observing the whole scene, let him sleep. At the proper morning hour, however, E. V. was awakened with his mother’s instruction. “E. V., get up. Get this floor cleaned up. Get yourself cleaned up. You and I are going on a trip.”

“I don’t want to go on a trip,” E. V. said.

His mother said, “I didn’t ask if you wanted to go on a trip. I said, ‘You and I are going on a trip.’ Now get this floor cleaned up and get yourself cleaned up.”

E. V. started the process and in due time was ready for his trip. In the late morning, he and his mother boarded the subway for a destination unknown to E. V. Emerging from the station, he found himself on Skid Row. His mother cooked at one of the rescue missions two nights a week, so many of the men on Skid Row knew her. As the mother and son walked down the sidewalk, the men greeted her. “Good afternoon, Mama Hill.”

One man asked, “Why are you here so early?”

She replied, “This is my son, E. V. He took up drinking, and he’s planning to live down here. I wanted him to come down and see it before dark.”

Pastor Hill testified, “That’s the last time I ever drank alcohol.” His mother was an effective trainer (weaving actions with words). A lecture on the evils of alcohol would not have had the same effect.

Whether we are correcting behavior we believe to be destructive or teaching children history or morals, actions tied with words are more effective than words alone. For example, let’s say that you are teaching your children something of the history of America and you want them to know the religious moral roots of our nation. It is possible to give them a lecture, and it is also possible to expose them to history books. But would that have the same effect as taking a train to Washington, DC, standing at the south wall of the Lincoln Memorial, and reading Lincoln’s own words inscribed into the granite walls? “That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

The family exploring Washington, DC, could also walk to the north wall and read: “As was said some 3,000 years ago, so still it must be said, ‘The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.’” They could visit the Jefferson Memorial on the south banks of Washington’s Tidal Basin and read Jefferson’s words: “No man shall . . . suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief, but all men shall be free to profess and by argument to maintain, their opinion in matters of religion.”

Children learn best by doing.

The specific words of the inscriptions may be forgotten, but the visual image of standing at the base of the monument with his family reading those words will always be a positive memory. And if the student took notes on the inscriptions, when he writes a high school paper, you are likely to see him pulling out his old notes and including them in his history paper.

Whatever you are trying to teach, it is helpful to ask the question, “What could I do with my child that might make this lesson more effective?” Children learn best by doing. If you want your children to know the tragic reality of man’s inhumanity to man, take them to the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC, or in Israel. They will never forget the experience.

Weaving of actions and words is extremely effective in training children. This is true in both the teaching of skills and the molding of character. Doing things with your children, even if there is no specific educational objective, is in fact teaching your children the value of relationships. In functional families, parents and children do things together. Sometimes these activities have specific educational goals in mind. Other times, they are simply “for fun,” but all family activities are in fact times of training for children. Perhaps most basically, we are giving them a model of parenting that emphasizes that parents and children are family and families do things together.

Weaving of actions and words is extremely effective in training children.

Using your creativity to make these “together times” also “learning times” can be a real challenge, but the rewards are lasting. Even the mundane can be turned into a fun learning experience if you are creative. One family told me that when it comes time to clean the house, they pretend that the family is a professional cleaning service cleaning someone else’s house. They organize themselves and assign responsibilities. A supervisor, typically one of the parents (but it could be an older teenager), makes sure that each job is done “up to quality.” At the appointed time, they get an official break and everyone gets a treat. When the task is completed, they take a walk together and discuss what they learned about life from their housecleaning job.

“The children often learn things we didn’t intend to teach,” the mother said. “For example, there was the time our nine-year-old son said, ‘I discovered that if you don’t leave hairs in the sink, then it’s easier for the person who must clean the sink.’ Not a lesson we intended to teach, but one we’re certainly glad he learned. And in fact from that time on, he always got the hairs out of the sink every time he left the bathroom.”

In a loving family, parents give guidance to their children by consistent training from infancy through adolescence. Our own model—intentional or unintentional—is our most effective method of training.