Is It OK to Be Angry at God?

Diane was past the weeping stage when she sat in my office, but she was white-hot with anger. Jennifer, her eldest child and only daughter, had been killed three months earlier by a drunken driver. The shock, the hurt, and the unmitigated pain had seemed almost unbearable to Diane. Now as she came out of shock into the world of painful reality, she was grieving over her tragic loss, and her loss was compounded by her anger.

Anger and grief are often companions in such situations. Diane was angry at the drunken driver who killed her daughter. She was angry with the judicial system that had allowed him on the road again after three DUI (driving under the influence) convictions, and she was angry with her estranged husband who had bought Jennifer “that little car.” “She didn’t stand a chance in that little car,” Diane said. “It was a deathtrap.”

As I continued to listen as Diane shared her thoughts and feelings, I felt deep empathy. I also knew that Diane’s talking with me was a positive step in processing her grief and anger. Wanting to discover the focus of her anger and knowing that Diane was a deeply committed Christian, I asked, “What are your feelings toward God in all of this?”

“I hate to say this, but to be honest, I’m mad at God right now. I feel like He has deserted me. He could have spared Jennifer’s life. She was so young and talented. Why would God allow this? I don’t understand.”

Christians often experience anger toward God in the face of tragedy. It is often true that the stronger one’s Christian commitment, the more intense will be the person’s anger toward God. As Diane said later, “I’ve tried to live for God and be faithful. Why would He let this happen to me?”

Diane was experiencing what Job must have experienced, for he too was a righteous man. (See Job 1:8; 2:3.) When God allowed Job to lose his wealth, his family, and his health, this righteous man felt intense anger toward God. Job said, “God has turned me over to the ungodly and thrown me into the clutches of the wicked.” He lost his desire to live. “Only a few years will pass before I take the path of no return. My spirit is broken, my days are cut short, the grave awaits me. . . . My days have passed, my plans are shattered.” (Job 16:11, 22; 17:1, 11 NIV). Job did not understand any better than Diane why God would allow such tragedy into his life, and he was clearly angry with God.

How God Feels Toward Our Anger

When we look at Job and other biblical examples of people who were angry with God, it is clear that God did not condemn such anger. Rather, He entered into conversation with these people and helped them work through their anger. However, this does not mean that He always gave a full explanation of why bad things happened to good people. The book of Job is a long discourse between Job and his “friends” and between Job and God. His friends essentially accused Job of having done wrong and claimed the tragedy was God’s judgment for his sin. Job insisted that this was not the case.

After listening sympathetically to Job’s expressions of anger toward God, God’s response was not one of condemnation. God reminded Job that His ways were not always understandable to men. He reminded Job that He is the all-powerful Creator and Sustainer of all that is, and that in the final analysis, He is a God of justice who can be trusted.1 In the end, God expressed His own anger toward Job’s friends for condemning him and urged them to repent of their wrongdoing and ask Job to pray for them. “My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer on your behalf. I will not treat you as you deserve” (Job 42:8).

Job’s ultimate response was to trust God even though he did not understand. Through this experience, Job’s relationship with God deepened. In his own words, “I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.” The Scriptures then record that “the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning” (Job 42:5, 12).

“Why Isn’t God Taking Better Care of His Children?”

Clearly, God is sympathetic with His people as they pass through grief and anger. He is fully willing to hear our expressions of anger and to listen as we pour out our pain. It is not sinful to feel angry toward God. It is human. We have a concern for righteousness, and whenever we encounter what we perceive to be unjust situations, we experience anger. Knowing that God is all-powerful and could have averted these events, our anger is often toward God. “Why did God not do something?” is a question hurting Christians often ask. Theologically, we know that God does no wrong, but emotionally we experience anger.

When I ponder this question, two alternatives come to mind, for clearly God can do something. One, God could eliminate all sinful people and thus wipe out all the pain caused by their sinful acts. This, however, would eliminate the entire human race, because the Bible says, “Everyone has sinned” (Romans 3:23). The second possibility would be for God to step in and miraculously avert the consequences of all evil. God could stop all bombs from exploding, stall all cars of drunken drivers, eliminate all germs and viruses, still all storms, exterminate all fires as soon as the spark ignites, evaporate all bullets, strike mute all who begin to speak a hurtful word, or bring temporary blindness upon all stalkers and all who look with lustful thoughts. While this may sound inviting, it removes human freedom and makes a person a robot that must do only good deeds. Apparently God values freedom, and freedom requires the option to disobey as well as to obey. There can be no freedom without the possibility of evil, and evil always has negative consequences.

In addition to the injustices caused by evil, Christians often struggle with the apparent personal inequities they endure. “Why did my sweet son die from cancer when so many bad people continue to live?” “Why does it seem like I have so many problems when my sister sails through life?” “Why isn’t God taking better care of His children?”

“God made us with this capacity for anger. However, what we do with our anger is our responsibility.”

Such questions remind us that we have limited perspectives. While the Bible tells us something of God’s perspective, it does not reveal all of His plans. Peter tells us that the trials that bring us grief may be used to refine our faith. Paul says that God can bring good out of everything, and that through every experience He is seeking to make us more like Christ. James indicates that our difficulties lead to our maturity. Jesus says that sometimes our problems are designed so that people can see the work of God in our lives. (See 1 Peter 1:5–7; Romans 8:28–29; James 1:2–4; John 9:1–3.)

While all of these positive purposes are true, they still do not answer all the questions that race through our minds in the face of personal pain and loss. The call of God is that we will trust Him in the darkness as we trusted Him in the light. He has not changed, even though our circumstances have been painfully altered.

How Do We Deal With Our Anger Toward God?

The problem with our anger toward God is not the anger itself but how we handle the anger. We could paraphrase Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:26 by saying, “When you are angry with God, do not sin.” Your anger with God is distorted anger. God has done you no wrong, but your feeling is still real anger. In fact, your anger is not a choice. Anger was your response to a situation that brought great pain to you and that you believed God could have averted. Thus, in your mind, God has treated you unfairly. Anger is the normal human response when we encounter what we perceive to be injustice. God made us with this capacity for anger. However, what we do with our anger is our responsibility. This is where we exercise the human freedom that God has given us.

The first step in responsibly handling our anger toward God is to take the anger to God. You need not be ashamed of your anger, for it is evidence of your concern for fairness. You can freely express your perception of things to God. You will not “hurt His feelings,” nor will you stir up His anger. You are His child, and He wishes to share all of life with you. Your anger will not catch Him by surprise. He knows what you are experiencing and wants you to share your thoughts and feelings with Him.

“I Have Had Enough, Lord”: Elijah’s Story

Beyond Job, the Bible tells many stories of people who expressed anger toward God—such as the great prophet Elijah. In 1 Kings 18–19, we find that Elijah had confronted King Ahab with his sin and had challenged the prophets of Baal to a “showdown.” Elijah had seen the demonstration of supernatural power when fire fell from heaven and consumed the sacrifice at Elijah’s invocation. The people responded, “The Lord—he is God! Yes, the Lord—he is God!” (1 Kings 18:39). The prophets of Baal were then destroyed, and God—and Elijah—had won a great victory.

But Elijah’s fortunes turned quickly. The next day, Queen Jezebel sent word to Elijah that within twenty-four hours, she would see that he was killed. Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. The word anger is not used in the biblical text, but we can read between the lines in Elijah’s prayer: “‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors’” (1 Kings 19:4).

After this desperate prayer, Elijah fell asleep. In due time, he was awakened by an angel who simply said, “‘Get up and eat.’ He looked around and there beside his head was some bread baked on hot stones and a jar of water!” After eating, Elijah fell asleep again and was again awakened by the angel and instructed, “Get up and eat.” Strengthened by the food, Elijah traveled forty days to “Mount Sinai, the mountain of God. There he came to a cave, where he spent the night” (see verses 5–9).

With Elijah fully fed and rested, God initiated a conversation with Elijah about his emotional state. Elijah’s response was, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.” The Lord’s response was not to argue with Elijah; rather, He asked Elijah to stand on the side of the mountain and observe. Elijah saw a powerful wind tear the mountains apart, an earthquake, and then a fire, but in none of these did Elijah see God. “And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave” (verses 10, 12–13).

Then God initiated another conversation with Elijah. Elijah repeated his prayer, expressing his disappointment that in spite of all he had done for God, he was now the object of a manhunt. God’s response would seem strange to some. He commanded Elijah to anoint a new king over Aram (Hazael), a new king over Israel (Jehu), and a prophet to succeed him (Elisha). God told Elijah that these leaders would take care of those who were opposing him. God also told Elijah that he was not the only one who worshiped God—that, in fact, there were seven thousand in Israel who stood true to God. Elijah accepted his new assignment from God, got up, and started on his journey.

We see from this story the value of talking to God about our anger. God is our compassionate Father and wants to hear our complaints. At the same time, He is also the sovereign God who does no wrong. He will either help us understand His perspective on our present situation as He did with Elijah; or He may, without explanation, simply ask us to trust Him as He did with His servant Job.

Elijah illustrates the second step in processing our anger with God: Listen to God’s message. Having expressed our honest concerns to God, we are now in a position to listen to His “quiet whisper” to us. This sometimes comes through a trusted Christian friend or through a sermon by a faithful pastor. It may come through reading a Christian book written by a believer who has walked a path similar to ours. God’s word may come through the words of an old hymn or a contemporary chorus, or it may come in your personal times of reading the Scriptures. Whenever God speaks, you will know it is His voice if the message you receive is consistent with Scripture. We listen to His voice, look for the good that may come out of this painful situation, and seek to grow in Christlikeness.

In the final analysis, we must accept what has happened in our lives, choosing to believe that though we do not understand it, God will use it to accomplish His good purposes. God’s own Word, the Scriptures, and His very character as a wise and sovereign God, indicate He will. Listening does not always lead to understanding, but it does lead to accepting our situation without malice toward God. This stage of acceptance may come quickly or it may take weeks, even months. But the believer who honestly shares his anger with God, eventually “will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds” (Philippians 4:7).

“God made us with this capacity for anger. However, what we do with our anger is our responsibility.”

With this peace comes the full assurance that my life is in the hands of a loving God, that what has happened does not mean He has abandoned me. Rather He is touched by the feelings of pain that I experience and interprets even my anger as an expression of my love for Him. After all, why would I be angry if I did not believe that He loved me and would look out for my interests?

After the peace of acceptance settles upon us, there is a third stage. We report for duty to get our next assignment from God. As long as we are alive, God is not through with us. Though Elijah wanted to die, God had kings for him to anoint. You may be diseased, discouraged, disappointed, and in deep pain; but God has plans for you, and those plans are all good. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11). As we get up and begin to do what God has gifted us to do, it does not mean that our pain has evaporated. It does mean that our anger is no longer a barrier between us and God.

Diane, whom we met at the beginning of this chapter, sat in my office over twenty years ago. Today, as she has done for many years, she is teaching a women’s Bible study. Her classes are always crowded. “She has experienced what she teaches,” one lady said. Diane does not seek to whitewash her pain and fully acknowledges that daily she thinks of her Jennifer and wonders what would have happened with her life if she had continued to live. Yet she also acknowledges that God has taught her much through the heartbreak.

Diane has many unanswered questions, but she is willing to wait for answers. In the meantime, she has chosen to believe that God is at work even in the most painful of life’s experiences.

Cain—Or Elijah?

Elijah was able to move on from his anger with God. On the other hand, Cain stands forever as the first example of how not to respond to anger. He lured his brother Abel to a secluded field and there murdered him. God held Cain accountable for his sinful behavior. Cain’s life went on for many years, but it was marred by the sinful act he committed, which was motivated by distorted anger toward God.

Every person who feels anger toward God will follow the example of either Cain or Elijah. If we follow Cain, we will yield to our sinful impulses and in uncontrolled anger do things that will make our lives more difficult. If we follow Elijah, we will fully share our anger with God but also listen to the “quiet whisper” that comes from God. With much or little understanding, we will choose to trust God, knowing that He too is acquainted with pain.

For the Christian who learns to process his anger toward God constructively, the future holds hope in spite of the present pain. And for many believers, history will repeat the epithet of Job. “So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning” (Job 42:12). Like Diane and like Job, we will receive God’s blessing, and He will use us in great ways.

When You’re Angry At God…

1. Take the anger to God. Freely share your feelings. As our compassionate Father, God wants to hear our complaints. At the same time, as our Sovereign Lord, He will either help us understand His perspective on our situation, or He will ask us simply to trust Him.

2. Pay attention to where He may be speaking. God’s “quiet whisper” to us may come through a trusted Christian friend, a pastor’s sermon, a book, an event. Other times His purpose or simply His peace will come through music, prayer, or reading His Word. However it comes, you will know it is His “whisper” if the message you receive is consistent with Scripture.

3. Report for further duty. As long as we are alive, God still has “hope and a future” for us, a purpose whereby we can carry out His good plans.