What Does it Mean to Be United in Marriage?

Obviously, simply getting married does not guarantee unity. There is a difference between “being united” and “unity.” As the old country preacher used to say, “When you tie the tails of two cats together and hang them across the fence, you have united them, but then unity is a different matter.”

Perhaps the best biblical example that we have of this kind of unity is God Himself. It is interesting that the word used for “one” in Genesis 2:24, where God says, “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one” (italics added), is the same Hebrew word used of God Himself in Deuteronomy 6:4 where we read, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one” (NIV, italics added).

The word “one” speaks of composite unity as opposed to absolute unity. The Scriptures reveal God to be Father, Son, and Spirit, yet one. We do not have three Gods but one God, triune in nature. Illustrations of the Trinity are many, and all break down at some point, but let me use a very common one to illustrate some of the implications of this unity.

The triangle may be placed on any side, and the Father, Son, and Spirit labels may be moved to any position. It makes no difference, for God is one. What we cannot do is erase one side or remove one title. It must all stand together. God is triune, and God is one. We cannot fully understand this statement, yet we must speak of God in this manner because this is the manner in which He has revealed Himself. We would not know that God is triune unless God had revealed Himself as triune. We would not know that the Trinity is a unity except that God has revealed it as such.

God must remain at the apex of a Christian marriage.

God is unity. On the other hand, God is diversity. We cannot rightly say that there are no distinctions among the Trinity. Strictly speaking, the Holy Spirit did not die for us upon the cross. That was the work of the Son. As believers, we are not indwelt by the Father but by the Spirit. The members of the Trinity do have varying roles, yet unity. It is unthinkable that members of the Trinity would ever operate as separate entities. From Genesis 1:26 where God said, “Let us make human beings in our image” (italics added) to Revelation 22:16–21, we find the Trinity working together as a composite unity.

What implications does this divine unity have for marriage? Here is a second triangle:

This time the triangle may not be tilted to rest on another side. God must remain at the apex of a Christian marriage. We can, however, exchange the labels husband and wife, for they are to be one.

In our individualistic age, “unity” is not a prized concept. Yet marital unity is not the kind of unity that blots out personality. Rather, it is the kind of unity that frees you to express your own diversity, yet experience complete oneness with your mate. You are free to be all that God intends you to be while experiencing all that God intended when He united us in marriage. No truth could be more liberating and satisfying.